How to Be a Hypocrite Like Leni Robredo

1. Accuse the President of being intolerant of dissent, but delete critical comments against you from your official Facebook page.

2. Project yourself as an accomplished “people’s lawyer”, but make sure the media never ask you questions harder than what a 4-year-old Little Miss Philippines contestant can understand.

3. Claim to be transparent, but when accused of links to drug lords and jueteng lords by anonymous insiders from your hometown, arrange to take down the website of your hometown newspaper that has old reports on those issues.

4. Build up your political career using the memory of your late husband, and act like a devoted celibate widow, while carrying on an affair with a congressman.

5. Talk as often as you can about fighting poverty and uplifting the laylayan ng lipunan, but pose for luxury magazines whenever you can, wearing clothes and jewelry that cost enough to feed entire families.

6. Attend as many CSR activities as you can and claim credit for them. Even if your attendance was only for photo op, refer to the organizers of said activities as your “partners” to promote your imaginary anti-poverty program.

7. Keep telling people that you didn’t really aspire to be vice-president, and that you have no interest in being president, but hang on for dear life to the VP post, and block every attempt to start the investigation on election cheating and hold a recount.

8. Market yourself as God’s greatest gift to Philippine politics, but shirk away from having to take any real responsibility for leading your own political party.

9. Say “I won’t be silenced” whenever negative news about you comes out, even if no one is actually bothering to silence you. Make empty-headed statements about every topic under the sun to keep yourself in the news. Keep claiming you’re being silenced, even if no day goes by without your inane statements clogging the media.

10. If bloggers criticize you, accuse them of being paid trolls, but retain a well-funded socmed team that does nothing but post flattering comments about you on news sites using multiple fake accounts, and order them to attack your critics.

Bonus tip: Keep talking about the human rights of criminals and drug pushers, but say nothing about the victims of their crimes. Complain and criticize the president everyday, but never do anything to solve any problems yourself. Just keep going around attending events, giving speeches, holding interviews, and reacting to everything the president says and does, so you look like you’re “working”. Remember, it doesn’t have to be true, it just needs to look like that. You can always fly off to the beach with the congressman in the middle of the workweek if you need to take a rest from doing nothing.

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