Sunday, March 1, 2015

#PNoy-orrhea could metastasize into Bee-Nay-V, or BNV syndrome!

The hanging question is whether there is now a need for surgery to cure a disease called PNoyorrhea, more commonly called as Noynoying in lay parlance, or whether the disease can still be cured by gentle massage by expert therapists like Sleepy Lacierda and Oblivious Coloma in the next few months. Taking 3 capsules per day could also relieve whatever pain there is. (Just don't overdose as side effects could include vomiting and dizziness leading to convergent strabismus, or pagka-duleng.) We are told this capsule is readily available from Drillon and Trillanes Fucknership Limited with addresses at Senatic Bldg., Roxas Blvd., PHL — just ask the guard where Lunatic is. No ID, No Entry is a policy strictly implemented in the place, so bring your Voter's ID to avail of their Near2016 Promo and the discounts on Hee-Po-Kreet tablets imported from the fiery islands of Mang Taning.

Sleepy and Oblivious say that surgery is life-threatening as PNoyorrhea could metastasize into Bee-Nay-V, or BNV syndrome if we even conduct an endoscopic probe — it should be left untouched. BNV is an Ebola-like virus that gnaws on pockets; it is more virulent than Gloria-nitis.

Research staffs in the medical and laboratory facilities of Twitter and FB disagree. Surgery is needed now. PNoyorrhea attacks first the brain and weakens the body; it leaves the patient dis-oriented in critical times. It induces dreams and fantasies; hallucination when least expected. Already, this dream has killed 8 tourists in Luneta and 44 SAF in Mamasapano. Because of the dream, nobody knows how to count the dead in Tacloban when Yolanda came to town for a visit. It is also because of this dream that PNP Chief in Tacloban and the SAF Chief were fired. So the convergent strasbismus has already set in, it sees the PNP both as a hero and as a villain in the same breath. It hallucinates about an economic miracle where there are no miracles, just remittances from Doc OFW. PNoyorrhea does not need to mestatasize into BNV to show that it is already life-threatening in and of itself; the symptom is there: apology-phobic, an aversion to own up to any mistake.

It is a difficult question: a choice between one that attacks the brain and one that atacks the pocket. Everybody is waiting for the research that will cure both, so that the attacks on the brain and the pocket could simultaneously be treated, or averted. We wonder, though, if some brain cells have already been damaged beyond repair with the waiting.

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